It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
