how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
