You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my shit smells like andre
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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