So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
