There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
