The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no, he came in my armpit
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
