Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
