she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
