Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
