FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
birth control should be required to get into college
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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