I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
