Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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