hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Randomize
