I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
