My sheets look like a crime scene.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
