There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
