Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
