My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
