i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
