one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
