The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
