my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
