This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
