3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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