I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
