and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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