you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
