i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
