The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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