After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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