My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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