thus making me awesome and them whores
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
