you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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