im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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