haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
