Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
