that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
