You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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