Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
