As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
