He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
