i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
