Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
