the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
