he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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