I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
