Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
