when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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