There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
