there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
