i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
