Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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