Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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