At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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