I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
