Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
