Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
