you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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